The Temkin Tribune

Another helping of weirdness please.

Time Warner news report from rr.com reprinted in its entirety:

Man flying lawn chair lifted by helium balloons
Published - Jul 05 2008 11:57AM EDT | AP

A man has taken flight in a lawn chair hoisted by more than 150 large helium-filled party balloons in a bid to ride the wind from the central Oregon town of Bend all the way to Idaho.

Kent Couch was wearing a parachute Saturday morning as he kissed his wife and kids goodbye, patted his dog and took off at sunrise from his gas station.

This is Couch's third lawn chair flight in as many years.

He hopes to do better than last year, when he flew 193 miles before running low on helium and had to land in the sagebrush of northeastern Oregon.

 
 
 
Marianne's News report:
 
 
One day while sitting upon his lawn chair
Kent Couch though to himself, "I think I'll take to the air!"
Although I'm not sure where I'll go,
I think I'll head straight for Idaho.
 
SO he got him some balloons and a tank full of helium gas,
as he thought to himself "No need to get off my ass,
I'll sit in this chair for my entire flight
and hope that my landing occurs before night."
 
SO he got him some rope and he got him some twine.
Mr. Couch's plan was coming along just fine.
So he loaded the cooler with a case of "Bud Lite,
and made sure his lawn chair was balanced just right.
 
The balloons he inflated, were 150 strong
and he knew as he tied them is wouldn't be long.
before he'd be flying without a single care...
Up in the sky with nothing but a cooler and his favorite lawn chair.
 
Then Kent quickly strapped on a parachute
and patted the family dog on the snoot...
Kissed his kids and his wife for one last time
Saying "Don't worry Hon, I'll be just fine."
 
Slowly Kent and his chair lifted off from the gas station
The neighbors were astonished by his increasing elevation.
You could hear them exclaim, "He's crazy!" " He's lost it" and "He's just plain nuts!"
And of course, "You wouldn't catch us risking OUR BUTTS!"
 
Then as Kent Couch and his lawn chair floated away...
His overly accommodating wife was reported to say,
"Darling, I'll miss you until you get home
but from now on I insist you leave the patio furniture alone!"
 
 

Eeeeeeeewwwwww!

This story comes from my Internet provider Roadrunner at rr.com yesterday.  This is the complete citation in its original format.

Miniature dachshund gnaws off diabetic owner's toe

Published - Jul 03 2008 09:22 PM EDT | AP

An Illinois woman says her beloved miniature dachshund gnawed off her right big toe while she was asleep. Linda Floyd told the Alton Telegraph for a story Wednesday that her beloved Roscoe was euthanized because of safety concerns.

The 56-year-old says she has no feeling in her toes because of nerve damage from diabetes. She discovered the toe missing after waking from a nap Monday. She called her daughter, who phoned 911.

A veterinarian says the toe had been bandaged because of a healing hangnail. That might have somehow attracted the dog

Here is my summary of the story:

 

(To the tune of...well, you know...With many apologies to Shel Silverstein)

 

I'm being eaten by a miniature dachshund,

a miniature dachshund,

a miniature dachshund

and I didn't notice it very much. 

 

Oh no, oh no. 

Roscoe's gnawed off my toe.

He gnawed off my toe.

 

Oh gee.

Oh gee. 

That darned neuropathy.

That darned neuropathy.

 

Oh Crap!

Oh Crap!

He's ruined my nap.

He's ruined my nap.

 

It's really too bad.

It's really too bad. 

The next part's real sad. 

The next part's real sad.

 

Oh dread. Oh dread.

That bad dog is now dead.

That bad dog is now dead.

 

Now, I am just guessin'.  

Now, I am just guessin'.  

That here, may be, some lesson. 

That here, may be, some lesson. 

 

You won't be a dog treat.  

You won't be a dog treat. 

If you take care of your feet.

If you take care of your feet.

 

'Nother thing to avoid. 

'Nother thing to avoid. 

...Naming the dog "Roscoe Floyd."

...Naming the dog "Roscoe Floyd."

 

Now I know that you are thinking that I have finally, and possibly irrevocably lost my marbles.  But alas, I always had this strange tendency to put the ridiculous into verse...I think I get it from my MOM!  My sister has it too...Come to think of it my Mother-in-law had it too.